"Are you cute?"

"No! I'm handsome!"

"OK, well, in any case, I love you."

"Why do you love me?"

"Why do I love you?"

"Yeah."

"Well, because you're my boy."

"Know why I love myself?"

"Why's that?"

"Because I'm stinky!"

"Because you're stinky?"

"Yeah!"

"OK. Well, can't argue with that."

"I'm so stinky!"

"OK, which toy do you want, Jason."

"Ummmmm, I want the girl ducky."

"This one?"

"Yeah, that one."

"You know, you used to call this one the Jason ducky."

"That's not a Jason, that's a girl."

"Why do you think it's a girl?"

"Because it's a girl ducky."

"What makes it look like a girl?"

"See that? That's the make-up."

"You mean the little eyelashes? OK."

"Yeah, those eyelashes are called make-up. My eyelashes don't have that."

"I guess not."

"You know what mine are called? Mine are called merner."

"Merner? That's not a word, Jason."

"Sounds like a word to me."

"Ugh, this place stinks."

"Yeah, you noticed?"

"It smells like balls."

"I don't even know what that smells like."

"It smells like unwashed balls here."

"Gross."

"It smells like balls with manure smeared all over them."

"It probably smells like anything with manure smeared over it."

"Balls."

"It smells like your face with manure smeared on it."

"My face smells like balls?"

"I don't know; I don't know what balls smell like."

"This smell is really… earthy."

"Well, that's a nice way of looking at it."

"Earthy and ballsy."

". . . You're going to put this on your blog, aren't you?"

"Jason, I want to tell you something."

"What?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"I always love you, Jason."

"OK."

"Even when I'm mad."

"OK."

"Sometimes I get upset with you, but I always, always love you. OK? Please don't lick me."

"Ew, gross! Do you smell those fields?"

"I think it's cauliflower."

"More like butt-flower."

"Ha!"

"I knew that would make you laugh. You laugh at anything with butts in it."

"N is for Niagara Falls. Hear the roar of the water..."

"Why did you say 'roar'?"

"Because the water makes a loud noise."

"Is there a lion in the water?"

"No, it's just that waterfalls are very loud and the noise they make kind of sounds like a roar."

"Oh..."

(I'm kind of disappointed, too. A lion in the water would be a much cooler explanation.)

"I'm Batman."

"You're Batman."

"Yeah. I'm Batman. You're Spiderman."

"I'm Spiderman?"

"And Mommy is... corn."

...even if he doesn't really know what "appreciate" means.

"Why is that her name?"

"Well, because her mommy and daddy liked that name."

"Oh."

"What do you think we should name the baby in my tummy, Jason?"

"I think her name should be Tinkerbell!"

"Tinkerbell!"

"Yeah, because that's her name. Her name is Tinkerbell. She's a princess!"

Jason: Pick me up!

I pick him up over my head.

Jason: No, in the middle!

I lower him to waist level.

Jason: Don't eat my face!

Me: OK.

Jason: I'm not a hat!

Me: OK.

Juliette: "Don't eat my face?" He has really weird expectations.

Me: I'd say given his experience, his expectations are entirely reasonable.